I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
