Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
