You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
