No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize