24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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