I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize