Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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