you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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