I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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