So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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