The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
