it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize