Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
