nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
