I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
