Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
