It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
