Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
