dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
