Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
