I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
