I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
