i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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