She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I love you.
Bad choice
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
