i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
