The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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