onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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