Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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