She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
