I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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