I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
