opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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