I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She's the barista slut.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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