it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
