Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
