Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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