when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
