It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
a search helicopter?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
