Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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