stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
