The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
