thus making me awesome and them whores
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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