he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
