Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
