I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
