it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
