bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
