im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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