i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
