did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
