I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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