hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
