Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
