Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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