i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
