She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
