In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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