Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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