Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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