let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
