chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
