heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
