I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
