My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
