Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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