Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
