I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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