Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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