just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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