How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
