Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
