When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
