life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
