I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
its liver damage thursday
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
