We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
