why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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