i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
