I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
